Just before Christmas I had the opportunity to visit with my high school best friend and her daughter. It had been a number of years since I had seen her and we seemed to be able to take up right where we left off. There are some relationships that are just like that.
She has been teaching yoga and pilates for many years and is also connected with Lululemon as one of their ambassadors. As part of the training that Lululemon provides, they send people to a program run by Landmark Education. I know that some people find their program controversial but my friend spoke very highly of the experience and the influence it had had on her personal relationships.
One of things that Landmark teaches is that the world of knowledge (about yourself in particular) can be divided into spheres: what you know (languages, skills, etc.), what you know you don't know (how to be a neurosurgeon (if you're not one)). However, there's a third realm that is more complex: those areas where you don't know that you don't know. This area concerns blind spots that you might have about your life, your relationships, your biases - anything in your life that you currently do not recognize in yourself.
In our Leadership & Training course at SFU, we have been exploring these areas of blindness as it pertains to our future roles as managers. We all bring biases, experiences, beliefs and opinions to work and for many of us, this is something that we don't recognize. We make assumptions about those with whom we work as we interpret what they say or do; seldom do we verify these assumptions. We react to circumstances without asking sufficient questions or acknowledging our responsibilities in the communication process.
Our learning this week has been to listen well, reflect, encourage, empathize and be slow to judge our colleagues or our employees. We each need to work to increase the amount of light shining toward those areas of our self where we don't know what we don't know. By acknowledging our own biases or blindspots, we can work to create positive working relationships as we grow into management positions.
So, which do you prefer: giving feedback or receiving it? Actually for most of us, the answer is probably neither. Giving feedback requires us to risk upsetting someone with what we have to say; receiving feedback can make us feel hurt, defensive or angry.
I'm actually pretty good at receiving feedback but quite bad at giving it. Especially if it is offered in the spirit of learning or performance improvement, I like to hear what others think about how I'm doing. I want to improve myself and become a more valuable employee or team member.
In terms of how feedback fits into leadership, I learned today in a Leadership & Teamwork class that I tend toward the Affiliative Style of Leadership. Individuals with this kind of leadership style create climates where harmony reigns and where positive relationships are established. However, the downside of the Affiliative style can be a reluctance to address poor performance. In my case, I sometimes want harmony more than I want to address an issue with a colleague or subordinate. I don't like taking the risk of hurting other people's feelings. I want to be liked by everyone.
As I move through my MBA program, this is an area where I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. Great leaders have to hold those around them accountable and that means that I have to be able to provide intelligent, constructive feedback to those I work with. One of the strategies I can start with is communicating my expectations about the value of excellence. I strive for excellence in my own work and if those who work with me know this up front, it becomes easier (for me) to address performance issues within this context. If that doesn't work, I can always apologize and ask everyone to just get along!
For more information on the Six Leadership Styles, see: http://www.eqleader.net/six_leadership_styles.htm
Today I had an opportunity to participate in one of @SFUMBA Mock Interview sessions which the Career Management Centre arranges for its students. Interviewing me today was an SFU MBA alumni who had graduated recently and has gone on to work with a local consulting firm. This firm is particularly focussed on communication and public speaking training and so we, the interviewees, were able to receive immediate, constructive feedback on our interviewing ability.
For anyone who has interviewed for a job (that means, um, everyone over 15!), it is a rare, basically unheard of, privilege to be able to hear what the interviewer is thinking about you right away. Without the pressure of a "real" interview (although I'm sure many mock interviews have lead to real jobs), students are able to practice answering the tough requests like "tell me about a time that you really failed" or "tell me about the most difficult interpersonal conflict you've ever had at a job..." Today, I got to hear from the interviewer what he liked about my responses and what could be improved upon. Even more fortunately, this interviewer was an expert at providing feedback. He's trained to listen, observe and keenly attend to my body language, eye contact, hand gestures, the speed of my voice (definitely too fast), and the quality of each response. And, I got to hear all of this feedback right away. He coached me on ways to strengthen my responses and to sell my abilities clearly and honestly.
I don't think that I've ever had such a useful session of feedback. There was no performance review on the line, no promotion at risk, no boss to impress...only this individual observing me, listening to me, critiquing me.
To this man and to the Career Centre staff I say a huge thank you.
