Influenced? Who me?

As a current student of the domains of Marketing and Management Information Systems, I have been thinking a lot lately about influence. Who influences us as individuals and who are the key influencers in society? How much are we truly the makers of our own destiny (i.e. we decide what we do, what we think, etc.), and how much is what’s given to us externally, either from our parents, our culture, our religion, our friends or our education?

In terms of our value system, most of us would probably think that we have been primarily influenced by our parents and our culture – either positively or negatively. If we had a difficult or dysfunctional upbringing, we might react to this by wanting to act in all the ways we didn’t see as children. Or sadly, we might repeat the mistakes of our parents, becoming the person we hoped we’d never be.  

Why is it then, that none of us seems to think that we are influenced by the media in general or advertisers in particular? Why do we think, for example, that our perception of our own beauty hasn’t been shaped by the pictures we see in Seventeen Magazine or Sports Illustrated? Why do we think that we are smarter than advertisers, more aware of the ways that we might be manipulated?

It could be as simple as the fundamental attribution theory. This psychological theory states that when things go our way, we attribute this success to our own skill or ability. When things don’t go our way, we tend to blame external influences for the failure. “It’s all their fault; if only they hadn’t made it so difficult.” Do we do the same thing when it comes to being influenced? Perhaps our natural tendency is to think that we decide everything knowingly and intentionally. If we feel bad about the way we look, we think it’s because we are actually overweight or out of shape. If we feel better about ourselves because we’re carrying the latest Coach bag, we think it’s because the Coach bag is just nicer, prettier, more classy.

The challenge for those of us receiving a business education is to see the ways that we are subject to the many forces which influence us. We are heavily influenced by television, the media and the internet. Especially as a woman, I am very aware that there are many expectations placed upon me from these sources – be thin, be successful, have white teeth, no wrinkles, wear the right clothes…the list goes on. 

As we grow older and (I hope) more aware of our own biases, opinions and beliefs, we can acknowledge where we are being influenced and we want to stand firm in our own choices. To understand that each of us is, to some extent, a product of the influencers around us, doesn’t make us weak or stupid. Yes, it makes us a product of 2013, but we’re all in that boat!

Blindspots

Just before Christmas I had the opportunity to visit with my high school best friend and her daughter. It had been a number of years since I had seen her and we seemed to be able to take up right where we left off. There are some relationships that are just like that.
 
She has been teaching yoga and pilates for many years and is also connected with Lululemon as one of their ambassadors. As part of the training that Lululemon provides, they send people to a program run by Landmark Education. I know that some people find their program controversial but my friend spoke very highly of the experience and the influence it had had on her personal relationships.
 
One of things that Landmark teaches is that the world of knowledge (about yourself in particular) can be divided into spheres: what you know (languages, skills, etc.), what you know you don't know (how to be a neurosurgeon (if you're not one)). However, there's a third realm that is more complex: those areas where you don't know that you don't know. This area concerns blind spots that you might have about your life, your relationships, your biases - anything in your life that you currently do not recognize in yourself.
 

In our Leadership & Training course at SFU, we have been exploring these areas of blindness as it pertains to our future roles as managers. We all bring biases, experiences, beliefs and opinions to work and for many of us, this is something that we don't recognize. We make assumptions about those with whom we work as we interpret what they say or do; seldom do we verify these assumptions. We react to circumstances without asking sufficient questions or acknowledging our responsibilities in the communication process.

Our learning this week has been to listen well, reflect, encourage, empathize and be slow to judge our colleagues or our employees. We each need to work to increase the amount of light shining toward those areas of our self where we don't know what we don't know. By acknowledging our own biases or blindspots, we can work to create positive working relationships as we grow into management positions.

Feedback isn't for the faint of heart

So, which do you prefer: giving feedback or receiving it? Actually for most of us, the answer is probably neither. Giving feedback requires us to risk upsetting someone with what we have to say; receiving feedback can make us feel hurt, defensive or angry.

I'm actually pretty good at receiving feedback but quite bad at giving it. Especially if it is offered in the spirit of learning or performance improvement, I like to hear what others think about how I'm doing. I want to improve myself and become a more valuable employee or team member.

In terms of how feedback fits into leadership, I learned today in a Leadership & Teamwork class that I tend toward the Affiliative Style of Leadership. Individuals with this kind of leadership style create climates where harmony reigns and where positive relationships are established. However, the downside of the Affiliative style can be a reluctance to address poor performance. In my case, I sometimes want harmony more than I want to address an issue with a colleague or subordinate. I don't like taking the risk of hurting other people's feelings. I want to be liked by everyone.

As I move through my MBA program, this is an area where I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. Great leaders have to hold those around them accountable and that means that I have to be able to provide intelligent, constructive feedback to those I work with. One of the strategies I can start with is communicating my expectations about the value of excellence. I strive for excellence in my own work and if those who work with me know this up front, it becomes easier (for me) to address performance issues within this context. If that doesn't work, I can always apologize and ask everyone to just get along!

For more information on the Six Leadership Styles, see: http://www.eqleader.net/six_leadership_styles.htm